How Others & Myself Judged my Decision to Stay Home

I’m not going to lie, I was not feeling optimistic when I started writing down people’s reactions to quitting my job and staying home with my kids.  My expectation was that I would end up with a long list of negative statements and judgements.  I realized afterward that this was probably my own insecurities and hesitation around the change.  If you read my initial post on why I quit my job, you know that I never saw myself as a stay at home mom.  I have been working traditional full time jobs for the past 10 years.  It’s not that I didn’t respect the work of at an home mom “career”, but I was (AM) unsure of my ability to be as disciplined and accomplish as much as I see other moms out there doing.  I thrive on structure and routine and unfortunately I have relied on working for someone to give me that structure. So I was the first person that judged this decision.

 

A huge chunk of my life has been spent studying and growing professionally and it makes up a huge part of my identity.  So many questions were floating through my mind.  Would I ever be able to get back in the field after walking away? Would I want to go back? Should I try a new field where I could potentially make more money? What do I really love? How would I even structure my day without being told what the deadlines are? What type of role would I play in my marriage if I didn’t bring home a paycheck anymore?  Which is probably why someone said,

“Well I’m happy for you, but how do you feel?”  

They could see my hesitation in how I shared the news. At the same time, I was incredibly excited to spend more time with my kids.  I often felt like I didn’t get enough time with them and was worried when they were with others. Others were taking the lead on their developments and milestones. 

I could have listened to these statements below and let them support my insecurities instead of slapping them away and pushing forth into what I know is right.

“So, you are JUST going to stay home with the kids?”

“That’s nice, I think I would get bored.”

“So what are you going to do all day, just chill and watch the kids.”

I know I don’t have to tell the mothers out there that all of the comments and others of that nature were not from parents.  They have no clue what’s in store!  I decided to embrace the positive instead.  Many people were encouraging, congratulating me on the change.  Saying,

“I get it. I really do.”

“I’m excited for you.”

“You have inspired me to make a change myself.”  

These statements were SO powerful.  You may be thinking, what’s the big deal? There are actually bad things out in the world, being a work at home mom does not fall in that category.  That wasn’t really the point for me- it was the idea that there were people around me that supported and encouraged me.  This is the kind of person that I thrive to be and hopefully am. We do not need to be doing the same thing to still be doing great.  I can support working moms, single moms, stay at home moms, formula feeding moms, breastfeeding moms and the list goes on. This is the next step in my life and I’m not sure how long it will last, but I’m ready to enjoy my successes and get back up after failures I’m sure to experience. I’m also ready to encourage and support you in the choices you decide are best for yourself and your family.  

 

About Shantall Bond

Hi! My name is Shantall and I'm here to share all things parenting, handling change and tales through the city with my boys.

8 thoughts on “How Others & Myself Judged my Decision to Stay Home

  1. Nastassija says:

    This is so inspiring!! I’m transitioning into the role of staying at home now. I have an 8 year old and 5 month old (both girls). I often doubt my decision because of the debt that I’m in from undergrad, but I too live in Chicago and we’re already paying private school tuition for my oldest. If we were to add a decent daycare to that it’s a no brainer. I’m enjoying being home with my baby, dropping off and picking up my oldest everyday, and finding time for laundry and meal prep. I’ve been fortunate enough for positive feedback where people say this is what you’re supposed to do for your kids. We have the rest of our lives to work!

    1. Shantall Bond says:

      I couldn’t agree more! I have enjoyed it so far also! We are starting to look at preschools for our oldest- whole other ball game. Glad you liked the article! 🙂

  2. Aisha Shambley says:

    Thanks for being so transparent. I think I’ve read all of your post. This is very helpful as we are very near to planning for the future and had so many of the same questions in mind as being a stay at home and what that looks like. I love the 3 conversations piece. Sending to my husband now. Thanks again:)

    1. Shantall Bond says:

      Thanks so much! I’m glad you found them helpful!!

  3. Great articles, I follow Alex Butler on IG. Your sons are so handsome, I have a 13 year old son as well, enjoy or babies because they grow up so fast and before you know it they’ll be independently moving and growing on to high school and college.

    1. Shantall Bond says:

      Thank you! I will! Thanks for the advice. I’m a little scared about feeding two teenage boys and my husband. Lol

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